Looking back, I think I have always approached raising my children in a low-tech manner, trying to re-create the comfort of how I was raised, even since the birth of my first born in 2007. It’s just that this past year I actually put a name to it when I realized that my philosophy isn’t exactly in sync with the rest of the modern culture. It wasn’t entirely obvious at first because many of my friends feel the same way and automatically raise their children based on this simple philosophy. But the more encounters I have with the rest of the population, the more daycare and educational programs I come across, and the more I read about the current state of our youth growing up addicted to high-speed technology, the more I see that the masses have given in to convenience, excess, and instant gratification and unfortunately it has become the rule, not the exception. Apparently my philosophies are the exception and I find myself giving explanations, excuses even, for why my children watch very little TV (in fact no TV at all up until recently, but more on that later) because it seems like such a shock to many parents.
Really, my main agenda, when it comes to how technology is used by my children, is creating a balance where it is used in moderation so as to give them experience without it ruling their lives. So far, I feel like I have found a good balance. Up until recently we had the TV off when the kids were awake, mostly because my son was too young to watch it and my daughter had shown some very undesirable behavior problems when the TV had been a regular habit. Having the TV off actually worked incredibly well for us and, after a brief transition, my children didn’t even miss it. We even downgraded our cable package because we weren’t using most channels. We added DVR, which has been very useful because my husband and I can watch our own programs when it’s convenient for us and we can now control what our daughter watches during her screen time and not just have to play what is on at that time. Which leads me to the recent changes we have made in our screen time policy.
This November my three year old daughter dropped her nap and ever since has been watching an hour of TV a day in the afternoon while my 21 month old son is napping (he only sneaks in a few minutes of TV if he wakes up and my daughter is just finishing her show). I have to admit that part of the decision to put the TV back on for my daughter was based on me being able to have some time to get things done without her underfoot all afternoon, but I also didn’t think it necessary to continue to completely deprive her of screen time. The routine, so far, is that for the first hour while her brother is sleeping we read for a little while and then she plays alone or hangs out with me while I do some things around the house. In the second hour she may watch an hour of sesame street (which I DVR – a piece of technology that certainly has come in handy) or something else I’ve deemed appropriate for her, but ONLY if she has had good behavior during the day. She has to EARN her one hour of screen time. But it is one hour only and then she may has her afternoon snack when the show is over. She is not allowed to eat while watching the show and my reasons for that have to do with the fact that she would want more food once the show was over anyway (the eating thing is a whole other story). There has been some behavior associated with bringing the TV back into her life. She has her moments where she whines for more, but as time goes on and I stick to this rule of only 1 hour of TV I get less and less of the whining. It’s only when I have allowed her to watch more (like when I thought I was giving her a special treat of watching short children’s Christmas movies back to back over the holidays) that she starts all over again with her attempts to keep the TV going. I can see how the addiction starts so easily! But this reorganization of TV use seems to be going fine for everyone, as long as I stick to the 1 hour rule, and it is actually a really great tool for motivating my daughter to have good behavior!
So, although the balance for my children is under control, my biggest problem in this technology tug of war is myself! I do not reject technology for everyone (mostly just for my kids at this point in their lives) and I even use many forms of technology everyday myself. The problem is that lately I have not been applying the same principles of moderation to myself when it comes to my phone and my computer. I have to find a way to ‘unplug’ more often; I think it will help me to feel more balanced in my own life and possibly give me more time in my day. My iphone is most frequently the culprit. It is just too easy to pick up and check my email, facebook, the weather report, a website…. Far too often I find myself telling my kids “just a minute, I have to finish this email first” when they are requesting my attention (which makes me feel horrible, yet I still finish the email). Does this sound familiar to anyone?
I try to do most of my computer work at night or when my daughter is watching her 1 hour of TV and my son is sleeping, but somehow I never get everything accomplished because EVERYTHING seems to require a computer these days: communication with friends and colleagues, shopping, paying bills, getting information/directions, organizing photos, and not to mention paperwork for my job. Many of these computer tasks are unavoidable, and like I said, can be accomplished when my kids are asleep. It’s the iphone dependency that is unnecessary and which I really need to break. I even find myself wanting to check it while sitting at stop lights (which, by the way, is now illegal in Georgia). It’s like my brain constantly needs entertainment. I can’t just be alone with my thoughts or enjoy the radio – I need multiple forms of stimuli feeding my brain in order to feel fulfilled. If I have evolved into an iphone addict so easily, then it worries me that my children could very easily get sucked into the obsessive world of technology too, before they’ve had a chance to fully develop all of their developmental and intellectual skills naturally. And, of course I am my children’s most influential role model at this point, so I know that I need to set a good example for them. If I don't teach them how to use technology in a responsible way and in moderation, then who will?
It’s not going to be easy, but I am officially going to try to break my iphone addiction by checking it less frequently, keeping it zipped up in my purse while driving, and keeping it out of close proximity so as not to be tempted to use it when I am engaged with my children – in fact, it will probably promote more quality interactions with my children because I won’t be so distracted. I’ll keep you posted on how this new transition progresses!
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