My Kids Get Messy
As a parent I often feel like I am constantly trying to prevent my kids from creating one distaster after another. I hear myself saying "you can't do that because it will make a mess" to my kids all the time. But I often feel bad for stopping what is only their curious exploration and it got me thinking - why not let them get messy? What's so wrong with it? Why was I really stopping them? Well, when I thought about it, the answer was that I was usually stopping them because
I didn't want to clean up a mess; but I realized that most of the time they weren't actually going to ruin anything by getting a little messy. So, I decided that I would ease up on them a little; let them make a mess when it was perfectly safe and they weren't in danger of getting hurt or ruining something permanently. Of course I still want to teach my children to be responsible with our belongings, but letting them splash around in the bathroom sink, roll around in the yard stuffing rocks and acorns into their pockets, smearing mashed potatoes on their arms, and cutting a piece of paper into a hundred tiny pieces isn't going to encourage destructive behavior. I figured that allowing them to engage in their natural, developmentally appropriate interest in sensory exploration was way more important than the extra few minutes I would have saved by not having to clean up after them - plus, that's what soap, laundry detergent, and Mr Clean Magic Erasers are for!
My kids seem to really enjoy themselves when I don't stop them from getting messy. They don't act like it's a big reward that they get to sit in the dirt or transfer cupfulls of dog food into dog bowls spilling it everywhere - they just act normal and happy, like they're supposed to be doing these things. It's when I stop them that they get upset and frustrated that they don't get to carry out this natural curiosity. But the best thing is that I've seen some growth in my children as they have developed new skills from all this messy play that I don't interupt. My son has gotten more accurate at pouring as he dumps dog food from the bin into bowls. My son doesn't try to play with his food as much now since I have let him explore putting it on himself. He is also independent with using a fork and spoon after just letting go and allowing him to get food everywhere while trying to use the utensils. Both of my kids are getting better at cleaning up after themselves (with my instruction of course); through making messes I am teaching them about being responsible for their actions. For example, one day I allowed the hand washing at the bathroom sink to evolve into some serious water play. I kindly told my daughter what would happen if she got wet. Of course she got wet after she and her brother splashed a little too exuberantly and she cried because her clothes were wet. But I followed through with what I had said: that she had to clean up the mess before she changed her clothes. I also told her that she was still allowed to play in the sink when she asked for permission, but in the future, if she splashed that much and got wet that she would have to stay in her wet clothes. Now I know that might sound mean, but since then she has played in the sink with her brother many times, but has not let the splashing get to the point of getting her clothes wet again.
Why Messy Play Is Important - A developmental perspective
Infants and young children are hard wired to use their bodies to explore their environment. Everything is new to them and they need to take in all sensory components (sight, sounds, touch, taste, smell) in order to learn about new things. Babies use their mouths to explore new objects. Anyone who has taken a psychology class may remember that this is what Freud refers to as the 'oral phase.' And as parents of babies we spend countless hours a day trying to take things out of our baby's mouth. Although there is a very real risk of babies choking on small objects, they aren't necessarily putting these objects in their mouths to eat them. It's important to allow babies to use their mouths to explore because this is the way they learn about their environment at this age, but we also need to make sure that we're only allowing them to put safe items in their mouths.
As babies age and turn into toddlers they use their hands more to explore. They are learning about all the sensory stimulation in their environment by actively putting their hands on things, learning cause and effect when they try to use objects in their environment in different ways, discovering their own limits of tolerance for certain textures and tastes, and most importantly, they are developing and strengthening their own sensory processing skills (which occur on a neurological level) so that they can interact with their ever changing environment in a successful way. For example, when a child plays with his oatmeal he is learning about the lumpy, sticky texture, to pull his hand away if it's too hot, that it makes a splat sound and sticks to the table if he throws it (which he also learns that his mother doesn't like), it feels good to rub around the table top, it tastes sweet and feels mushy in his mouth, that he does/does not like the feeling of it in his hair, etc. If a parent only spoon fed this child, not allowing him to use his hands or a spoon to feed himself and not allowing him to explore during the mealtime, then he would never really learn what oatmeal really is - he would only know the word. (He also would not become indpendent with a spoon if he was not allowed experiences to use it.) The same goes for thousands of other objects and situations in our environment. We have to interact with objects to learn all that we need to know about them and how to use them.
Getting messy and dirty is natural for children - they don't think about trying to get stains out of their clothes or keeping their hands clean. They also don't understand why adults tell them not to interact with objects in their environment just because they're not clean. They see something interesting and want to explore what it feels like, smells like, maybe even what it tastes like, they want to see what they can do with it, they want to collect more, and so on. Stifling that curiosity just because your afraid this new found dirty object of theirs will get your child's hands dirty is depriving them of learning. Playing in the dirt and even eating a little now and then will not harm your children; in fact, it helps to
build a healthy immune system. This over-protection from dirt and germs can also inadvertantly cause some unnecessary anxieties in children about getting dirty.
Beyond just allowing your kids to engage in activities that might make a mess, you can also create opportunities for your children to participate in messy play. Play dough, sand box, cooking, water play, painting and other art projects, fort building, stick drawing, bubbles, gardening, etc are all activities that are messy but great opportunities for exploring different senses, working on gross motor and fine motor skills, building knowledge, and having fun. See below for links to websites for more ideas.
Bottom Line: Not all potential messes are appropriate situations to let your kids get into; if there is the chance that your child could get hurt, learn how to do something you don't want them to do, or damage property then you should step in and encourage your child to do something else. But if the mess they want to get into is harmless, then try taking a step back once in a while and letting them have some fun (you may even have fun too if you join in). It won't hurt you to clean up after them; or heck, include them in the clean up, which they might enjoy as well and it teaches your kids to be responsibile for their actions.
Websites with Ideas for Messy Play:
Sensory activities
Clever Toddler Activities: Preschool science
Recipes for messy play
Messy Outdoor Fun For Kids
